We have all come across people who prefer to avoid arguments for various reasons. Afterward, they would often act as if nothing has happened. They would pretend everything is alright. Sounds familiar? Chances are, you grew up seeing similar patterns, you dated someone like this, or you are currently in a relationship with someone like this. visit here
Why do we masquerade our feelings, when things are not okay between us? There are several reasons for this. This isn’t only bad for your mind and emotions, but in time it can lead to illnesses, etc. When we do something that annoys others and pretends everything is back to normal after, can happen for one or more reasons at the same time.
Table of Contents
1 Fear of Change and The Unfamiliar
One of the reasons could be that someone is unsure how to act during or after an argument. This is quite common nowadays; many people prefer avoiding conflict. Since they don’t know how to resolve problems, it is easier for them to act like previously. These people are usually stuck in familiarity and aren’t open to change, to step out of their comfort zone. visit here
2 Denial Because Change is Unimaginable
When someone feels like they cannot make a closure on something hurtful, or deal with change, they could avoid those problems. Even if they recognize problems, sometimes they not only deny the problems but their consequences on their or others’ lives. In this case, they often make excuses, justify their problems, or push them aside.
3. Avoiding Shame
Our shame can be so intense and painful, that some of us no matter at what cost do anything to escape them. Particularly, if something that has happened makes them feel bad. In this case, they may blame someone else, or put the responsibility on them. Instead of acknowledging their mistakes, they may choose to forget about them on purpose.
They could also rewrite and reframe the story to see themselves as a good person. People who avoid shame also often pretend as if nothing has happened, making you the one look like who has problems with negative feelings. They could gaslight you into having problems, and make you the source of them. They do so to escape as the right guy in the given scenario.
4. Having Different Realities
The other person might live or perceive things in a quite different reality from yours. They could also interpret those things in a completely different way, perhaps because they live in a parallel perceptual universe. Chances are, there’s not much you can do in this case. With different perceptions, different reactions may occur.
Also, not everyone went through the same experiences as you, this could also lead to major differences. So you shouldn’t always expect people to react empathetically or in an understanding way to your situation. They might genuinely don’t get what’s happening to you at all. The trouble is, when people deal with shame, they may live in a fully self-created reality that hasn’t much in common with the actual reality. They do so to feel good about themselves.
5. Intentional or Spontaneous Mistreatment or Gaslighting
This happens when someone makes you believe your perceptions are false, things that you heard or have seen did not happen, and you made them up. Only people who want to control you can benefit from this. Controlling people want to confuse you so that you start doubting your perceived reality along with your common sense. They secretly hope that you accept their projected reality onto you, and they can feel good instead of bad about themselves, and win!!
6. Ignoring Problems as if They Wouldn’t Exist
When someone ignores problems like they don’t exist they opt for the easier, routine path, usually for the perceived well being of their social circle. This is especially frequent in families. Someone might choose to ignore problems when they are frightened of conflict, want to pretend that everything’s alright, prefer to cover up issues for the sake of others, and don’t want to be the one in a circle who brings up problems…
7 .Not Wanting to Face the Consequences
When someone has done something and instead of facing its consequences, they delay them. In this way, we tend to procrastinate the unwanted outcomes of our actions. Such consequences could be losing your relationship, your life turning insecure, feeling bad about yourself, having to move to a new place, etc. You might want to avoid serious consequences of your actions, such as distrust, losing everything you worked hard for and built up… visit here
8. Waiting for Your Move, or Reaction
They could be waiting for your move, or a reaction to a situation to make you seem the bad person. This way, they could flip the responsibility of having done something wrong. People want you to take over their blame when they behave like this. When the person who did something acts like everything is normal, chances are, the other party cannot keep quiet.
So you wouldn’t take that kind of treatment forever. And the other person is aware of this! If you can only take it for some time, you are going to react in a certain way, and this might be what the person has been waiting for! Now they can push the blame on to you!
9. A Splitting Mind
A strongly splitting psyche can develop consequently to severe traumatic events, and cause you big surprises! Such people can exaggerate remembering only the positive or the negative things in a relationship, depending on what they experience at the moment. In the most extreme cases, it can lead to someone losing their memory. This can make the person feel fine and act rationally in one minute, but feel terrible and irrational in the next moment.
10. Someone Behaves Arrogantly and Condescendingly
This happens quite frequently. Between the conflict and the current moment, there has been a process of readjustment of this person to feel good about themselves. In such cases, this person has convinced themselves that they are right, and you will eventually see that as well. So, they are taking a break and waiting for your return (out of ego), to see that they were doing the right thing. You are dealing with a situation feeling anxious and confused understandably.
To realise if the other person in the relationship is capable of having a mutual relationship that works, you could do the following things. By seeking professional help, you could see the reality in a new light, and the professional could support you to differentiate between right and wrong. Optimally, you shouldn’t be able to manipulate this person, so they can help you see the truth instead of being validated.
By allowing the other person to hear your viewpoint and see how you feel, you have more chances that they will validate your feelings. If you are not voicing your problem, regardless of whether the other person thinks that it is a problem or not, it is your responsibility to not try to improve the situation. Remember, people who pretend nothing is wrong are often avoiding their shame. Good luck!